Nightmares fill my head by day:
afraid of words they’ll say.
I sat silently with
metal pressed against skin.
Bump, bump, bump
came the song from my chest.
two hearts in place of one.
Months flew like a gentle breeze.
I had you and now her,
round belly and curved smile.
Elation and excitement with each passing day
at the thought of a full family.
But it wouldn’t last.
The nightmares returned.
A time of tranquility
where the whole world sleeps
Dreams are shattered by ruby stains
against hard porcelain.
A thud rings out
in the still water and I
fight the urge to both vomit and cry.
Silence hums as I stand
Two hearts no more,
just one, broken.
Luminous fluorescents blur my vision.
The doctor speaks,
but I hear nothing except the buzzing of a world slowed.
He finally arrives and they have to take her.
I know, but can’t let go.
And when we finally get home I close my eyes.
All I see is you:
Your tiny fingers and toes,
Sleep comes in the midst of moistened cheeks
and bloodshot eyes.
Now time has gone and returned life
to some sense of normal.
Yet on cool autumn days,
where falling leaves trade their green skin for
the crackling hue of orange and yellow,
I find my thoughts returning to you with
And I cry.
But I know I forever have an angel
protecting me from above.
And I’ll see you once again
when one heart becomes two.